There are times in my life that make me fall to my knees in disbelief. Life seems to be unfair, but the reality is that this world is just wrong in every way. God did not intend this world to be so full of sin. I surrender myself to the Lord and I pray on a regular basis. I ask him please to shield me from the ugliness around me. However there are times where it seems as though I have been hit head on and feel overwhelmed and lost.
My mom passed away on February 12, 2021. It haunts me to even type this, I still do not want to believe it. I do not understand how this happened. She went home to heaven. I did not get to tell her good-bye. I was expecting her to come home and talk about how she beat this bacterial infection in her kidneys. I wish she would have told me more about how she was feeling. I keep asking myself why I didn't do more to help her. Was it because she didn't want us to know that she was sick? Or was it that I did not want to listen?
I miss my mom. I am struggling each step I take to try to put the pieces back together. My husband and I just moved closer to my parents October 28, 2020. I had been away from them for over 25 years. I was excited to be able to gain some lost time with both my parents. I had never really had a close relationship with my mother. I wanted to work on letting my guard down around her and learning more about her. I am grateful for what I did get! I am battling the regrets that I have because I knew that she wanted to spend more time with me when I moved here. I can tell you all my excuses of why I did not make the time to spend with her, but that is not going to change the regrets that I will forever have in my heart. I should have done more, but I didn't.
Ecclesiastes 7:1.....A good reputation is more valuable than costly perfume. And the day you dies is better than the day you are born. Better to spend you time at funerals than at parties. After all, everyone dies--so the living should take this to heart.
