Counting my Blessings!

 Since you went home it has been a challenge to make it through a typical day.  I have to face each day as a blessing.  I wake up counting my blessings.  I know there are a million blessings that the Lord so graciously gives me.  Every breath I take is precious.  I know this because I watched you take your last breath and it hurts every bone in my body.  So I know that God has mercy on me and I can't let a second go by each day without thanking HIM.  I remember the days that you would get mad at me because I was down.  You would tell me to count my blessings.  You taught me to do that.  Now I do it on a regular basis not just when I am down.  In the good times and bad times, God has blessed me.  This hurt that I am feeling each day without you here  is a blessing because I know how deep our love and friendship was.  

Honestly, I do not know how to understand exactly what life is going to be from here on out until I go home.  It is just living day to day trusting the Lord.  Although, I feel like I have not focused on my walk with the Lord, I trust in HIM to make it through each day that I am trying to work through this pain....this grief.  I nod my head in disbelief, just not sure what is going on in my life.   It is completely feeling every step blindly for the Lord to take my right hand and pull me through the world that I live in .....now without you.  I will never be of this world; I just live in it.

New Week....I see the glimmer of light!

It is dark outside and the rain has just started.  Was not expecting rain.  This is the beginning of the third week of the master bathroom renovation.  I see the glimmer of light.  I feel myself getting a little bit excited.  I wish you were here.  I have no one really to celebrate with.  Xena does not respond too much on my verbal updates and the changes that are taking place.  I know that she does not like all these men in the house.  She hates how much noise they make.  

So the shower tile is in and the wall tile around the tub area is also in.  They are placing the floor tiles today.  Yes, I said floor tiles!  I know that you had intended to put the oak floors in both the bathrooms. That has changed because they were not confident to place wood floor in the bathroom.  I know you were confident, but I also know that you would have taken care of it.  I would not have the patience to take care of it myself.  I am going to say this was a blessing in disguise. 

Praise Jesus that I was able to find this cool rustic looking brick tile for both the bathrooms.  I had to go to three different Lowe's to get the correct amount needed to do both bathrooms.  I picked them up and I unloaded them when I got home.  They were HEAVY!  I miss your strength.  The Lord protected me and gave me the strength to unload all of the boxes.  I thanked HIM so much because I could not have done it without Jesus! 

The Lord is my light and strength!  I miss you Bucky!

Dark Rainy Day - Pushing forward

 Here I sit inside as it rains outside.  The construction workers did come in today.  I have an overwhelming sensation go through my body as a song comes on that reminds me of you.  I miss you so much. I wish music was not such a trigger for me, but it is.  My heart aches for you.

After repeated discouragement from the contractor workers, I am no longer going to put wood flooring in our bathrooms.  It breaks my heart and I feel like I am dishonoring you to some degree.  I know that you would have taken care of it.  You were so smart when it came to everything in life.  I miss you.  I cannot say that enough.

I picked a brick tile for the restrooms instead.  The contractor complained about that too.  They said that it is going to be a lot of tile.  I just feel like I am having to justify my reason behind every choice I make.  You never made me feel this way.  I wish I could have you here to run this show.  Needless to say I had to order the tile from 3 different Lowe's and they would not delivery it.  I have to physically pick up the tile from each store.  They are all in within a 20 mile radius.  Thank goodness I have a truck (a new truck)!!!😊

I do not know how you managed to work here when it was so dark and rainy.  At times, it makes me just sad.  Xena gets cabin fever and she just does not know what to do with herself because she is not fond of storms with thunder and lightening.  The rain just keeps coming down.  I pray that the work they are doing is not affected by this rain because I would rather them call it a day then.  Please Lord, keep these workers honest.

Progress...Praise Jesus....Progress!

 My restroom remodel is coming along.  I praise Jesus for the transformation.  I actually can see what it is going to look like.  The dirt mounds no longer exist and the holes are completely back-filled.  The doorway to the old "toilet room" has been covered and the doorway into the bathroom has been widened.  I have never had an ensuite master bathroom.  This will be my first.  I wish my husband was here to share this experience.  I miss him.

Well, we are into the seventh day of the renovation.  The pounding and roaring of the hand tools gives me confidence that work is being done.  I can hear the drywall mud being plastered and leveled onto the wall.  The recessed lights are being installed.  I give the Glory to the Lord.  He has His hand in this project.

I try my best to stay out of their way.  I have been doing everything I can to clean and maintain the rest of the house and, at times, I do lawn work.  I am grateful that I have been able to be here to watch and listen to this renovation.  In the past, Buck would manage to do all the work of a remodel while I was flying.  I missed all the "ugly" parts that takes place during the process.  It was almost like he wanted to shield me from it.  He was always so protective of me.   

Funny thought that just ran through my head, I have an appreciation for lawn work now.  I never wanted any part of it when Buck was alive.  Now that it is my responsibility....it is kinda soothing in so many ways.

So basically, there is more than one way that the Lord is making progress happen in my life.....I am one of the projects that HE is working on.

 

 

 

Third Day of this Renovation - "Lord Help Me"

 Here I go again .....the 3rd day of this renovation.  When I look into that room I don't really see any changes.  I do feel overwhelmed because you never know what exactly is going on until the contractor shares what they want to share.  However, there is lots and lots of noise coming from that area of the house.  

My daily routine is to pray over the project and the workers that come and work on it.  Ultimately, the Lord is the only one that knows how this project is going to turn out.  I trust HIM and I know HE listens to me when I am letting HIM know what I am vulnerable about.  

I am trying my best to manage this process and I am trying my best to keep track of all the materials that I am suppose to be supplying.  Which there was a minor mishap so far; a broken toilet.  Had to schedule Home Depot to come and pick it up and re-order a new toilet.  Praying that that is the only thing damaged.  I, also, received the tile today.  I don't why but I got just a little bit giddy when I saw the tile.  

All in all, I am talking to the Lord all day long.  This journey that I am on is nothing that I have ever experienced.  Truly the only way I am making it day to day....is the LORD and the Hope that HE is giving me for the future.

A little side note, I think my dog Xena is done with all this noise in her house!

The Second Day of this Transformation

 Well, my day started quite early.  I usually like to make sure that Xena (our dog) and I start off with our normal routine.  I take her for her morning walk and then she is fed.  I make my morning shake and do my Bible readings.  After I read, I like to spend time talking with the Lord in prayer.  I need that conversation to happen because Jesus is the only reason why I make it through these days.  Praise Jesus.

After our routine, I spent time cleaning up the fine white dust from construction that is in every crevice of my house.  I know that it will continue to happen each day, but I want to make sure I can try to stay on top of it before it gets way to out of control.  I am writing this as I am having a sneeze attack from inhaling too much of this dust.

So far from what I can tell when I peeked into the master bath it looks to me that they worked on the placement of the plumbing today.  My pony was has been framed.  Yay.  I also know that they worked on the new wiring to the bathroom.  All the old wire was not up to code and a major fire hazard.  The beautiful wonders of moving into an older home.  Made sense when Buck was alive, just praying that the Lord guides me through these unforeseen obstacles.  "Stay calm Lori" is what I continue to tell myself throughout my day.  GOD is in control.

 I tell ya it is going to be a long 8 weeks.  It has been only 2 days and I have had enough.  The mess is beginning to be unbearable.  Please Lord give me the strength to make it through this renovation.

Not Just a Change of Season

 I am facing another change of season ....alone.  Change of seasons were always so hard for you and I.  The warmer temperatures are in the air.  The smell of grass is permeating in the air.  Flowers are blooming.  All the wonderful fruitful growth from the Lord is occurring right in front of my eyes with you by my side.  

Another drastic change is today is demo day of our master bathroom.  I can't believe I am trusting a company and it is not you doing the work.  I feel uneasy.  I have men in the house that I do not know.  The noises they are making are familiar, but I am not a ease because it is not you making those noises.  I miss you. 

The wall came down and what a change that made.  Our master bath is going to be big.  That is something you and I never experienced together and now never will.  I pray that you are looking down into this project and I pray I made the right decisions.  I know all of it is costly and not cheap.  I would probably be upset with how much I am spending.  I am at the mercy of an unknown company.

I wish you would have told me more about the wiring that took place in our kitchen.  Or I wish if you did tell me that I would have listened.  I am frustrated with myself.  I trust the Lord, I know HE knows what is going on.  I pray for wisdom.  I want to fully understand what is happening in our house.  

Day one of a very long eight weeks........