The start of 2013 has been interesting for me....to say the least. I ended 2012 with situations that caught my attention and got me thinking that I am surely missing the mark with GOD. On Christmas Day, I spent the day in emergency not quite sure what was going on with me. To my surprise, I had a miscarriage. I was overwhelmed with grief and sadness on our Savior's birthday. It took everything in me to appreciate the positive in my situation. I am alive. My husband was with me through the loss and the doctor on duty told me I was going to be okay. I am grateful.
Trying to work through my loss is not an unfamiliar situation for me. I have gone through this a time or two before. I realize that in the bigger picture that I WILL see my loved ones again someday when I go home. My human side of me hurts with all my heart. With every beat of my heart, a pounding ache shakes through my body. I am down... deep deep inside of me ....where it feels like someone is stomping on my throat and stomach making it difficult to swallow or digest anything.
This is when I am clenching to Our Lord and Savior! I want to understand what I am missing and what I need to change in the eyes of our GOD. I know he has been there for me and I feel him carrying me through my hurt. I am searching for a sign or direction for my existence. I love life and all that I have been blessed with each day. I do my hardest not to take anything for granted; not even the little things like breathing and seeing.
I am humbled to my knees.....and I beg please for strength and guidance......
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