Since you went home it has been a challenge to make it through a typical day. I have to face each day as a blessing. I wake up counting my blessings. I know there are a million blessings that the Lord so graciously gives me. Every breath I take is precious. I know this because I watched you take your last breath and it hurts every bone in my body. So I know that God has mercy on me and I can't let a second go by each day without thanking HIM. I remember the days that you would get mad at me because I was down. You would tell me to count my blessings. You taught me to do that. Now I do it on a regular basis not just when I am down. In the good times and bad times, God has blessed me. This hurt that I am feeling each day without you here is a blessing because I know how deep our love and friendship was.
Honestly, I do not know how to understand exactly what life is going to be from here on out until I go home. It is just living day to day trusting the Lord. Although, I feel like I have not focused on my walk with the Lord, I trust in HIM to make it through each day that I am trying to work through this pain....this grief. I nod my head in disbelief, just not sure what is going on in my life. It is completely feeling every step blindly for the Lord to take my right hand and pull me through the world that I live in .....now without you. I will never be of this world; I just live in it.
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